settled

Maybe it's ridiculous to post to my blog eight months later...maybe I could offer a lot of excuses...but I am writing right now and I will not attempt to make an excuse for my lack of updates. I am simply starting afresh.

Quick summary: Last semester was a joy, but I got so caught up in friends, studies, and student life, my devotional life almost disappeared. I discovered a House of Prayer in Pasadena, called pihop, and through a series of events, God sent me there for the summer. The word He gave me was to spend the summer there and come back to my first love. Although I hadn't shared that with the pihop staff, the Holy Spirit confirmed it during my first week there, giving them as a summer ministry focus the word for us to come back to our first love. Any and all ministry must first flow out of ministry to Jesus! So for those beautiful three months, I was spending anywhere from eight to twelve hours a day in the prayer room. A chunk of that time was spent on worship teams, praying with others, and reading the Word, but I also learned in a new way how to simply be in His presence, to wait upon Him. Even after about six years history in the hop movement, it was difficult to learn how to spend uninterrupted time with Him, not with an agenda, not with other things to rush off to, but just letting Him guide my time and my prayers and - really just enjoying Him. I can't describe how God set my heart free during that time, how He rid me of thought processes I've been bound to for years, how He grew me as a worship leader, how He showed me what my life should be founded on (prayer, in case you didn't know), and how He showed me His unchanging love towards me. The word that would best describe the state of my soul at the end of that summer is settled. It is only something that comes from spending time in His presence, and it was the perfect preparation for this last semester.

I am five weeks away from graduating Bible college, and I cannot believe how quickly the time has flown! I am definitely not the same person I was when I first arrived. With everything I've learned and experienced and everything that God has shown and taught me over the past two and a half years, I'm surprised to realize most of it came through experiences more than the time spent sitting in a classroom. As I'm walking through me-sized trials in this season, I'm tempted to ask the Lord why He can't just tell me clearly what He wants to tell me instead of walking me through less than pleasant circumstances. As I think back to past trials, I realize all the valuable things I learned through those situations are like precious jewels. I could have just read it and realized it, (and I have learned a lot of things that way in Bible college), but every trial God leads me through teaches me a lesson, a value, that becomes part of me. I can passionately share that truth with others, because it's now in my spiritual DNA. No matter how overwhelmed I may begin to feel, He is faithful to remind me of this (And if any of you are feeling discouraged, I pray this touches your heart): "I am a good Father. My thoughts towards you are more than the sands of the sea. My plans for you are good. I don't ever take my eyes off you. I don't ever stop listening to you. I don't withhold any good thing from you. I see your life, I've written your days, and I'm working all things for your good. Trust Me." (Matthew 6:26; 7:11; Psalm 139:16-18; Jeremiah 29:11-13; Psalm 17:5-8; 32:8; 33:18; 34:15-19; 84:11-12; Romans 8:28). For the first couple months here, I was just really concerned with how I was handling His test, if I was responding right. But the more that I pray about it, as I read Scriptures like these and seek to keep my mind stayed on Him, I've been finding myself getting distracted from the tasks at hand - to worship. He's drawing me into a dance right now, and with my eyes locked on His, I don't have to try to figure out where I'm going next. I can just rest in His arms and let Him dance me into the place I need to be. It's easier than I thought yet harder than it sounds, but since I know I'm just obeying what God has told me to do in this season, I know He will be my help and it will bring Him glory! And in the end, that's what it's all about.